It's officially May 2008 and the time I thought I was going to be done with this part of my life. However, the end is not in sight for me. My close friends are making plans and finding jobs and about to embark on a new chapter in their lives. I am truly happy for them and very excited to see where they all will land. I know they all will be doing amazing things in the next few years because they are all intelligent and amazing women. I do feel a little left behind. It isn't anything they are doing, it's just the situation. I know there are a couple of us who will be here a little longer. I think I am just ready to move on. Don't get me wrong this stage in my life has been amazing. I don't know what I would have done if I had not moved here and met all of these amazing people and basically met me for the first time. It's just that I feel like I am ready to embark on a new journey. I am ready to get out there on my own and either fall on my face or succeed. I'm ready to live the rest of my life.
I've been realizing some things about myself lately. This past year has been amazing and I've grown a lot. However, I feel like I've lost touch a bit spiritually. I still have my faith but my relationship with God has not grown that much. I really want to change that. I want to go to church and be involved. I want to make that a priority because in the past few months it hasn't been very high on the list. I think I realized this a couple of weeks ago when I went to a worship service with a friend and I felt so good afterwards. I forgot how it felt to connect with God in that setting. I've been praying and talking to Him everyday but I haven't worshiped Him like that in a long time. I've missed it.
This past weekend I felt like my life came crumbling down on me. I thought I had things planned out and then all of the sudden things changed. I am looking forward to the week I have coming up where I will be able to catch up on some rest and de-stress myself because after that I wont have another "break" until December when I (hopefully) graduate. I know I am going to be extremely busy over the next seven months with working two jobs and going to school but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right? (I've been using a lot of cliches lately in trying to make myself feel better.)
Well, I have to study and write a paper for tomorrow (finals and all) so I guess I better get working on that some more.
3 comments:
dude, if what belmont does doesn't kill us, but makes us stronger, you are frickin' Xena. :) i feel the loneliness too of being left behind, but you're amazing, and I know you'll do great your last semester. Good luck on your quest for God!
iatethemuffin.blogspot.com
I'm really proud of you. I'm proud of you because of all the growing you've done--and of course you're growing spiritually! Getting to know yourself is a part of spiritual growth, or at least that's my opinion. And you know what? Don't feel left behind, because everyone has their own path--hell, I won't be done 'til the end of the summer. But that doesn't matter at all, anyhow. What matters is that you are satisfied with what you have and where you are now.
And I love you.
i am off work wednesdays and fridays. wanna come over and i cook for you?
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